Stressed

out.

I've been so far from my usual self lately and I know why, but I also don't. I'm tired. All the time, I'm tired. I don't sleep. Not eating properly. Getting sick every other day... I can't focus on classes, going is a chore equivalent to taking out trash or going to the dentist. I literally drag myself there, usually in a rush because for some reason, I'm always in a rush, no matter how much time I have, which is both ridiculous and stressful. Additionally, I'm about to start working 2 jobs and already take 18 credits at UM. I know what my problem is, I'm logical enough to realize what's wrong and what needs to be done to get on the right track. But I haven't had the will or desire to change anything... until now.

I was supposed to go to a formal tonight in Castine at my friends' house, Matt and Lucas. I just really really really... really shouldn't. I got way too carried away last night at my friend's 21st birthday party and I am currently on a break from my 8 hour shift at work. I know what the right thing to do is: REST. Stop trying to please everyone and just take care of myself. Typical Stephanie doesn't stay home, just keeps go, go, going all the time, neglecting personal health and any reason or rationale. I don't know why I do the things I do. For someone so aware of what's going on, I am such an idiot sometimes. And look, I can even pick up on that!

I have so much on my mind right now I can't even form words, let alone sentences to describe, explain or convey what I'm feeling. I need to write, it's my outlet, but it's going to have to be something that has nothing to do with my personal life because I'm at a loss for words in that arena. I guess it'd be a good opportunity for some ENG 205 material to flow out of me.

Until I'm not a complete robotic bundle of anxiety, seeeee ya later.